3 males a day ?

A Russian American lady came to see the doctor. She spoke in a very heavy Russian accent:

 Doc, I've been losing weight recently. I am so skinny now. Please, what shoud I do?

The doctor asked her a few questions and then advised her to eat enough:

 You should have at least 3 meals a day, OK? Then you will be OK. Come see me in a month or so.

A month later, the lady came to see the doctor again looking worse.

- What's happening here? You are now even more skinny than before. Did you take my advice seriously?

- Yes, I did, doctor. I always tried my best to have sex with three men each day!

- What? what do you mean?

- Didn't you say: "Try to have 3 males a day" ??!!

second language very important

family of mice were surprised by a big cat. 

Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!"

The cat ran away.

 "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse. 

"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language." 

don't worry

A couple has  been married for  ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home".

Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again.

- "Joel," she said, "I don' t like this place at all. There are no curtains in the
bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath."

- "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors  see you, they'll buy curtains."

like a gentleman

Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt’s house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.

The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,
“ Now here’s a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman,”
“Like a gentleman?” Dick asked. “How do gentleman do it?”
“They always give the bigger piece to the other person,” answered his aunt at once.

“Oh,” said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he tool the cake to his sister and said to her,

“Cut this cake in half. Catherine.”

doulbe negative

A linguistics professor was leturing his class one day . "In English" he said :  ' A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. 


However, there is no languages wherein a double positive can form a negative. A loud voice from the back of the room piped up.'Yeah, right'


There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.


An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in

Haircut Free

A man entered a barber's shop with a boy of five or six years of age holding his hand. He was in a great hurry and he asked the barber to cut his hair first and later to cut the boy's hair.

"He can wait, I want you to cut my hair first," he said.

The barber did as he was told and when he has finished the man got out of the chair and the boy tool his place. The man excused himself and said that he would be back in a few minutes and would pay for them both. Then he left and the barber began to cut the boy's hair. When he had finished he picked the boy up and placed him in a chair to wait. He gave him a magazine to look at.

A half hour passed. An hour passed. At last the barber said :

"Don't worry, your father will be back soon"

"My father ?" said the boy. "He isn't my father, I was playing in the street and he came along and said : "Come on with me, little boy. Let's go into this barber's shop together and have our hair cut".

A Gift From Sister

She : "Where did you get that umbrella ?"

He : "It was a gift from sister"

She : "You told me you hadn't any sisters"

He : "I know. But that's what engraved on the handle".

Guess who sent them ?

A young couple that had received many valuable wedding presents established their home in a suburb.

One morning they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show in the city, with a single line : "Guess who sent them"

The pair had much amusement in trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They duly attended the theatre, and had a delightful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value.
 And on the table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets : "Now you know !"

comma

An English professior wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.


The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”


The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

johnny boy

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying.

“Everyone who thinks you’re stupid, stand up!”.

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stoop up.

The teacher said, “Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”

“No, ma’am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself”

River is not deep

A stranger on horse back came to a river with which he was unfamiliar. The traveller asked a youngster if it was deep.

"No", replied the boy, and the rider started to cross, but soon found that he and his horse had to swim for their lives.

When the traveller reached the other side he turned and shouted : " I  thought you said it wasn't deep ? "

It isn't, was the boy's reply : '  it only takes grandfather's ducks up to their middles ! "

why don't you whisper

A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said : “Mommy, I have to pee.” .
The mother said to the little boy, “It’s not appropriate to say the word "pee" in church. From now on when you have to "pee" just tell me that you have to whisper.”
The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father:
“Daddy, I have to whisper.”
The father looked at him and said, 
“Okay, why don’t you whisper in my ear.”

Are you pleased ?

A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were so many hungry people in the world.
One evening, she was giving her small daughter her tea before putting her to bed. First, she gave her a slice of fresh brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that. She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "when I was a small girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and jam, but never bread with butter and jam."
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said to her kindly, "Aren’t you pleased that you’ve come to live with us now?"